Polite Lies by Kyoko Mori

Author:Kyoko Mori
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.
Published: 2011-06-10T04:00:00+00:00

Sometimes, when I think of marriages, bodies, or sexuality, I get a hopeless feeling. Everybody is confused, it seems; there is no happy medium for women in dealing with these issues. We hate our bodies or we politely deny the body’s sexuality. We resign ourselves to too much compromise or rebel against any compromise. Knowing two cultures only makes me more angry rather than giving me helpful insights.

I was comforted, then, to spend a week at a craft school last summer with a dozen other women from Wisconsin, Illinois, and Indiana. We were taking a weeklong class about using beads to make jewelry and to embellish garments. The school was on an island in northeastern Wisconsin: it consisted of three barns converted into studio spaces and a dorm. We sewed and strung beads all day and then slept in a big room that had twelve bunk beds. Most of the women were in their forties, fifties, or sixties—all but two were married and had children. For all of us, “beading” was a hobby, not a way to make money; we were reasonably comfortable but not wealthy—we worked as high school or college teachers, psychologists, social workers, nurses, or homemakers. We had never met one another before, but by the end of the week, after sitting at the long tables beading together, going out to eat at night at a local restaurant, and sharing the small living space, we had gotten to know one another pretty well.

Almost every night the married women called their husbands and children to make sure they were all right. A few of them said that before leaving home they had spent a couple of days baking pies and casseroles, then labeling and freezing them because their husbands and children didn’t know how to cook. One woman had a mother-in-law with a resort cottage on the island. Her husband and son were coming up to spend two days in the cottage while she was taking the class. The day before they arrived, the woman said, “I’m worried what the two of them will be wearing tomorrow. My husband doesn’t know how to match the right shirt with the right pair of pants. He would wear plaids and stripes together, and my son’s not much better.” Every day at home she cooked everyone’s meal and told everyone which shirt matched which pants.

These episodes about inept husbands and dependent children didn’t make me feel angry, as they usually did. The women in my class had overcome their concerns or guilty feelings and given themselves a whole week to do something useless and enjoyable. Even as hobbies go, beadwork—unlike weaving rugs or knitting sweaters—is impractical, not at all beneficial to husbands and children. What we made—bead-embroidered jackets, earrings, and woven necklaces—could be worn only by ourselves and other women. My classmates were doing something purely for themselves. If they had to spend a few days beforehand baking casseroles so they could get away, that was fine by them.

The woman whose

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.